2015 NGH Convention Notes for Professional Hypnotists
The following list describes many common viewpoints and behaviors holding a person back from resolving inner child conflicts
Obsessive, compulsive and impulsive versions of
any out of control behavior that blames
Strategic pitting against each other
Unfair, intimidating, manipulating judging
When we hear these types of phrases as children, we grow up feeling threatened. If you regularly feel threatened, you feel like a victim.
When you live in victim consciousness, you’re afraid to make life decisions. You have conditioned your mind to believe you can only believe what others tell you to believe.
So, the roles we play are either those of a happy-go-lucky type or of victim consciousness.
4 Common Dialoging Phrases Others Have Used to Discourage Your Inner Child From Trusting Him/Herself
You didn’t do good enough. You are not good enough.
Can’t you do anything right?
That was a complete waste of time. Don’t waste my time with such foolishness ever again or I shall have to punish you until you obey me.
Don’t undermine my authority. I already told you THIS is the way we are doing things. Don’t ask me again. I won’t change my mind.
You made me look like a complete fool in front of everybody.
You just don’t appreciate what you have, you ingrate!
You just don’t appreciate all the sacrifices I’ve made for you.
Nice girls don’t do that. You should feel ashamed of yourself!
You shouldn’t say yes and then not follow through.
People won’t trust you unless they know they can rely on you.
Felix – To resolve deep mistrust so changes can occur, a factual-based, analytical thinking style child needs to open to creating new and hopeful possibilities. Allowing possibilities for improvement creates hopefulness and a “safe” and secure feeling in the analytical child’s world.
Leona – To resolve deep mistrust this child may need to learn or recognize that others have opinions or insights of equal value to her own. Lists or guidelines can help this child to become more fully aware of healthy boundaries.
Kyle – To resolve deep mistrust within this child he has to learn that telling the truth is creative enough to get appreciated attention. This child benefits from accepting that his approval of himself is more important than getting the approval of others.
Janie – To resolve deep mistrust the relationship focused child must remember that her needs and wants are as important as those of any other person. Learning to respect herself and care enough about her own well-being to easily be able to say no when that’s appropriate, can feel frightening to this child. It is counter-intuitive to her nature to speak up for herself in situations, which she perceives as confrontational.
“Okay, you expressed three theories, but they didn’t work. What else might improve the situation? Come on. You know what’s wrong. Use your analytical genius to find more options, other ways to fix it!”
“What’s the situation? What plan can be implemented to improve things? I know using your amazing assessment and leadership abilities we can achieve our goal. I’ll be here if you need support.”
“You’re such a creative genius. You’ve really developed your talents. I can tell that you’ve been practicing. You appear so masterful in front of an audience. Bravo!”
“You amaze me. You are such a caring person. It takes a talent like that to help people feel welcome and included. It’s wonderful that you have such a loving attitude. I’m so glad I know you and that we are friends.”
“I need time to think this through in a one-thing-at-a-time, step-by-step process. I can go at my pace, which is slower than the way you might do it. So that’s what I’m asking for…time to get things done at my pace. Will you be patient please?”
“I’ve got a plan to get this done efficiently. I need your help to be part of it. This is what I’d like us to do.”
“Didn’t you love the way I told the truth with pizzazz? Nobody else can tell a story the way I do it and make it so memorable! So, the next time you want me to tell people what to do and where to go to do it, I’m the right one for the job!”
“I like for people to be caring and honest with me. I want to be able to trust you so we can have a peaceful life and know that we can all get along. Here’s a hug for you.”
Empowerment self-esteem raising phrases: The exercise: An adult wounded child imagines watching him/herself sitting in an audience watching him/herself play the part of a confident child being accepted by an adult.
Empowerment phrasing #1:
“Adults I’ve known have spoken loudly. I used to feel afraid, mistrusting and intimidated by the loud way they spoke when I was a child. I told myself to believe that loud voice had the power to convince me I could only be considered worthy of getting attention if I submitted to living by their way of doing things. But I now know adults who told me I had to do what they told me to do were merely calling their personal opinions rules.”
Then, the child magically transforms into an adult.
The client now says. “As an adult, I know understand the timing of my request for these adults to spend time with me when I was a child might have simply been inconvenient timing for them. I was only a child and so I misunderstood their intention.”
Empowerment phrasing #2:
“Instead of believing something bad will happen if I am unable to do things at a rate faster than I am actually able to do them, I believe doing things at my pace is good enough for me.”
Empowerment phrasing #3:
“I am only able to do things at a pace reasonable for me. I choose to do my best even if my best indicates I can only do some things.”
Empowerment phrasing #4:
“Learning how to do things and master them takes time. I’m giving myself time to do things to the best of my ability and that pace is good enough for me.”
Reading List to Understand Brain Functioning
The Creative Brain by Ned Herrmann, (The Ned Herrmann Group: Brain Books,) 2075 Buffalo Creek Rd., Lake Lure, NC 28746, (704) 625-9153
Brainview: What Does Your Brain Think of You? by Susan Fox, CH, AA, available at www.brainviewtraininginstitute.com
Gender Brain Science for Practitioners by Beverly Keyes Taylor, CH, available at www.brainviewtraininginstitute.com
The Psychology of Achievement by Brian Tracy (cassette series available from Nightingale-Conant Corporation, The Human Resources Company, 7300 North Lehigh Avenue, Chicago, IL 60648, (312) 647-0300 or (800) 323-5552
Molecules Of Emotion, Candace Pert, Ph.D.
Growing Up Again by Jeane Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson
Women Don’t Ask by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever
Dealing With People You Can’t Stand by Dr. Rick Kirschner and Dr. Rick Brinkman
The Brain-Our Universe Within (The Discovery Channel video tape series)
Influence-The Psychology Of Persuasion by
Dr. Robert B. Cialdini
The Secret Sales Pitch by August Bullock
The Power of Positive Confrontation by Barbara Pachter
Speaking Your Mind in 101 Difficult Situations by Don Gabor