Sometimes, world or life events around us trigger us into dealing with loss. When we feel like we’ve lost in a situation, we feel sad. That sad feeling is an energy block. Feeling sad occurs when we first PERCEIVE there is something about which to feel sad. Change how you perceive a situation. It helps to naturally clear energy blocks.
Imagine an end scene where you feel like a loser. You also feel hopeless, desperate, cornered and perhaps like a trapped animal. These feelings cause energy blocks in your body’s energy system. When dealing with loss, it is necessary to clear energy blocks to feel better. That means to switch your mental picture from that of feeling like a cornered, trapped animal with no way out to empowering yourself by seeing and taking a different way out that leads to calm and peace.
If you mentally stay stuck for a long time, perceiving you must not let go of having things your way, you stay stuck in the grief or deeply sad feeling. After all, mourning loss actually boils down to wanting something you cannot have. At least that’s the way your mind and brain process things. More on this in a moment.
I’ve included a brief video about dealing with loss. You may be able to relate to the story as a part of training yourself to work through loss and deep grief.
Dealing With Loss Mentally
When you feel sad, you are first MENTALLY sad. Being MENTALLY sad then triggers physical body FEELINGS of sadness or grief. The longer you focus on feeling sad, the more deeply you ingrain in your mind and brain “feel sad” neuro pathways. The more you keep using those neuro pathways, the more “normal” feeling sad becomes. Feeling sad in many cases is intense blocked energy keeping you from healing the sadness. Clear energy blocks by allowing yourself to process the grief in a way that helps you cope better. To do so, you may need to hire a professional hypnotist.
First Steps To Dealing With Loss
The first step to changing a habit is to become aware of how you are using your brain and mind to interpret what you are thinking. Think sad thoughts causes energy blocks. Thinking uplifting thoughts is how you clear energy blocks.
Changing thinking habits of sadness, grief and times when you cannot have things the way you prefer them to be, helps you create gratitude and hope. Dealing with loss can be improved by creating appreciation, gratitude and hope.
Perceive, Be Aware of Initial Perceptions, Then Choose Feeling
If you are mentally stuck in grief, you must first PERCEIVE you are experiencing some type of a loss. To your brain and mind, this loss can be dissected into 4 basic categories of loss perception from your brain’s 4 basic viewpoints:
- the loss of control
- the loss of things being perfect
- the loss of things no longer being exciting
- and the loss of a familiar relationship
Our brain processes information, causing us to create “attachments” to familiar
- Mind images
- Bits of what seems personally logical understanding
To what do you feel attached? Can you change your perception of what they mean to you? If so, you can clear mental energy blocks holding you back from calmly dealing with loss.
I Like Having Things My Way
I like getting things my way. Do you? When you do NOT get things your way, your brain may define this experience with anger, or as unfairness, or as a sense of loss. Inflexibly insisting on always getting things your way can also be blocked energy. Clear energy blocks by focusing on anything good in the moment. When you train your brain to habitually see the good in your life, it can help you cope better while dealing with loss.
Coping by Natural Methods
What are examples of alternative health, complimentary methods that help you cope with the loss of a loved one? Things that move energy in the physical body in the direction of peace and harmony. These methods include Hypnosis, EFT, NLP, Jin Shin Jyutsu, Reiki, Dowsing. Each of these offer help in accepting the change in your relationship with your loved one.
Dealing With Loss Means Accepting and Working WITH Change
As I watched my own son “dying” at home, I saw physical changes as his body began to deteriorate. Since I had never experienced my son’s body rapidly deteriorating during his end-of-physical-life event before, I had to learn how to cope with and accept the changes. After all, there was nothing I could do to stop what was happening. Therefore, the only real tool that would bring me peace was to accept what was happening.
At first, I didn’t know how to do anything else other than to act self-absorbed and sorry for myself about being unable to “save him” from dying. The thing I didn’t think about at the time was that he didn’t need to be saved. The end-of-physical-life event is natural. Physical life is a temporary way to live. It is the spirit that lives on eternally.
Though I didn’t like what was happening, for me to cope with the loss it was necessary for me to accept that my son’s passing was happening AND that I wasn’t supposed to stop it. God knew what was happening. He was the director of it. I only had to accept it and move on and align what was imminent for Jason’s spiritual progression and benefit.
I didn’t have to completely understand why it was time for Jason to separate his spirit from his physical body at this time. I just had to accept and work with it. Similar to accepting and working with the idea that we physically grow up and age, because there is nothing you can to do stop aging, I just had to figure out how to accept and work with Jason’s imminent end-of-physical-life event.
Creating Hope Helps You Process the Unstoppable End-Of-Physical-Life Event
It wasn’t until years after Jason passed that I learned how expressing gratitude and seeing the good in life helps you accept and work with this kind of unstoppable event. It is counter-intuitive to express gratitude when you are upset, when you are NOT getting your way. So, you need to learn the steps and create the coping tools to deal with loss of a loved one. Again, what will work best for you is within your natural brain design.
The brain’s hardwiring wants consistency. It is that consistency that creates familiarity. The more familiar something is, the more secure we feel. When I learned to stop thinking about myself and focusing on how I did not get what I wanted, it was easier to start expressing gratitude for the natural temporariness of earth life. THAT intentional change of focus, into CHOOSING to feel grateful, was a very helpful step for me in dealing with the physical loss of Jason’s physical presence. It is a key, in my opinion, to accepting that which we cannot control.
Accepting Is Different Than Condoning and Approving
As I said a little bit earlier in this blog post, accepting that something you dislike is happening is different than condoning or liking that it is happening. It is simply accepting that something happened you disliked and that you are no longer focusing on the idea that you are not getting your way in this one situation.
Develop The Habit Of Expressing Gratitude for What’s Going Well
You can develop the habit of expressing gratitude. When you choose to focus on and express gratitude for the simplest of things, genuine happiness begins to reappear in your life. It is by focusing on being grateful that you create hope.
By regularly expressing gratitude for what is going right in your life, things begin to improve and you stop grieving so intensely for your loss. When you realize that all is not lost in your life, even when you are confronted by situations you cannot control (when you don’t get what you desire, no matter how intensely you want it) you empower yourself to cope better with your loss.
Exercise To Deal With Loss
Here’s a simple exercise you can do to deal with loss of loved ones. I’ll use the example of my own son. Often, my trigger dates are his birthday, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day (he passed on Father’s Day), and Christmas.
Whenever the trigger dates roll around, I prepare myself, energetically to work through them. We are all connected by energy. Thus, I choose to work with the benefit of preparing myself energetically.
First, I hold on to my ring finger. I do this by wrapping the fingers of one hand gently around the ring finger of my opposite hand. In Jin Shin Jyutsu, your ring finger contains the energy pathways associated with causing deep grief or sadness. For more on understanding Jin Shin Jyutsu finger flows, please read my blog post on using the ancient art of releasing tension for deep grief or sadness using Jin Shin Jyutsu.
I direct my thoughts to intentionally think positively about how good things are for myself right now AND in the past. I focus on happy memories with Jason and my husband, and the things we all did together as a family. I am replacing my past feeling habit of “learned grief” with the feeling association of “gratitude for happiness” as my new “normal” by focusing on all the good in my life.
The more you create hope for yourself, the more easily you cope with and get through loss in a forward direction.
Jin Shin Jyutsu is a different method of energy release than some other methods such as EFT. EFT uses the body’s acupuncture meridians. Jin Shin Jyutsu uses a different energetic system unassociated with acupuncture meridians. Thus, the value in knowing these two different energy release systems.
YOU Are Thinking and Creating the Stories Of Your Life
YOU and I think and act in self-absorbed ways. It’s a part of a human’s self-survival phenomenon. Each person’s brain thinks in ways that help that individual. So, in this example of dealing with loss about Jason, I might say to myself while using EFT and tapping (see www.eftincalgary.com to learn more about EFT):
“Right now, I’m telling myself to miss Jason. However, the truth is, he is spiritually alive and well.” (For me, this is the type of affirmation that creates hopefulness for me. Your affirmations may be something different. As long as you feel happier, simply affirm and focus on all the things that confirm that life is good for you.)
Tapping calms your body’s fight and flight response, which is activated by fear. But fight and flight is also triggered by any emotion which we might label as “negative”; like anger, resentment, jealousy, abandonment, loneliness, loss or grief. It’s OK to release feelings you’ve been holding in, while meridian tapping. If you pour out your feelings while tapping, tapping will help you to feel calm again.
Just remember if you begin tapping and honestly expressing your feelings, or the acknowledgment of a reality which is very hard for you to cope with, that you remember to speak of hope or gratitude or future possibilities before you stop tapping. Choosing to speak positive thoughts will help direct your feelings into positives as well.
As I tap and say something that feels hopeful for me, I start to feel better. Even if I am crying because I miss him, I still go through this routine. Tapping will help me to stop thinking and activating the neural pathways in my brain that cause sadness and grief by calming down the intensity of my feelings. As these feelings of loss recede, I seem to “jump the tracks” to the positive feeling neural pathways that create peace and calm within my brain.
In other words, by acknowledging both the old habit of being self-absorbed and my feelings about how I am not getting my way, I am honoring them, and letting them go. Then, I start focusing on expressing gratitude for what is good in my life. Those gratitude neural pathways are different ones than the grief roadways in my brain.
After I’m done crying and letting go of the original grief feeling, I express gratitude with something like:
“I am so grateful Jason’s spirit separated from his physical body in the manner it did. He was at home in his own bed instead of being left alone in some hospital or Hospice to die alone. We were there for him. For this, I am very grateful because it was what he wanted. Thank you, Divine Love, for arranging things the way you did. All is well.”
I might go through a few rounds of doing this until I totally change my focus on something else that reaches out of my self-limited focus. At first, this may be a challenge for you to do. Like I said, we were never taught in school to focus on expressing gratitude for what is going right in our lives in the middle of not getting what we want. If you need help developing this habit, please contact me. Know that there is a way that reduces the stress of dealing with loss.
Please visit the rest of my blog and read some other articles about alternative health palliative care for those needing end-of-life care, or who are in chronic pain. It is very likely there will be something here to help you.
As always, if you need help naturally reducing your stress, especially for the end-of-physical-life event as the participant or the survivor, please let me help you. You can set up a happiness coaching session with me at your earliest convenience.
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